Many people who have been through things or lost someone or been through anything in life always play this one mind game. Its called the What If game. It isn’t a fun game. It isn’t an easy game either. Who knows why we do it. Is it to try to comfort ourselves? Is it to make sense of things?
I do know that it doesn’t bring comfort most times. Many times it brings on more hurt than comfort. I know I am NOT the only one who has had this game replay in their heads, probably on more than one occasion.
What ifs that go through my mind:
What if I hid the gun?
What if I said something different that day?
What if I just gave him one extra hug or said I love you more?
What if we never bought the gun?
What if we didn’t move into that apartment that started the downhill process?
It goes on and on. Who wants to hear it, not me. It is annoying when it plays over and over again in my head.
This all turns into another head game. It is quite annoying also. Would it be different?
This game goes hand in hand with the what if game and you always know the answer to this one. You don’t know. You don’t know if he would be still alive, you don’t know if something else would have happened to make him pass away, you don’t know if he would have found another way.
These games get dangerous. And they aren’t the only ones. There are many more out there, or should I say in there. In our heads.
How about the head game that someone who you cared for deeply passes away and your mind tricks you into thinking that at any moment they will walk in the door. That it truly didn’t happen. Things will go on and be happy.
This game is the worst because when you realize what you are thinking isn’t gonna happen you have to grieve all over again.
Why do we play these head games? To help make ourselves feel better. It is our sub-conscience trying to make sense of the whole ordeal.
They aren’t fun, and they aren’t pleasant.
How about the “head games” we play with others.
Person 1: How are you today?
You: Oh I’m okay.
Person 1: cool
Yea. You know the game I am talking about. The one where you feel that if you TRULY share what or how you feel that you will burden someone else. Now what is the TRUE answer to that question. Are we truly afraid of telling others how we really feel?
Yes. I am. I am afraid if I come out and tell someone how I truly feel that I will break down in front of them. And THAT we do not need. In the comment section I want everyone to say how they TRULY feel today. Whether they feel sad, upset, mad, etc. Let it out. You know why it’s good to do it here in the comment section? No one can see you break down if you do. If you do and you want to say you did, go ahead. Call it a “therapy” session, a free one on me. 😀 (Did I make you smile? I hope I did.)
Head games are a bear and can be a pain in the neck. Let’s learn how to avoid them or steer our minds away from them to a more healthy way of dealing with things. I am learning the hard way that the only way I seem to be getting passed things is by writing them down here for others to see. Which is weird and strange because I am not normally a person to just PUT IT OUT THERE for random strangers to see. Maybe I am comfortable with it because I don’t have that big of a following yet. (I don’t know if I am happy about that or not).
Don’t be a stranger. Put it in the comment section. Let’s do this together. If you want to state why you feel that way, or what head games you’ve been dealing with, go ahead. I am here to listen. This is a place of healing and learning to move forward. Hopefully we all will get somewhere and feel better.
Let’s see where it leads.
P.S. If you don’t want to comment below you can also email me firstname.lastname@example.org. Or message one of my facebook pages http://www.facebook.com/yarnforthecause or search for Campaign for Suicide Prevention and Against Bullying.
I am not going to judge, it is a place to vent. It is a place to make us feel better. Even if you write it, but then delete it afterwards.