Moving on, Moving Home, and all the other hard stuff
Many don’t know how hard it is to be out of your parents house for so long, and yet you think that if you move back everything will be alright? Try again. You were independent and then you have to go back to being “in the fold”.
Why is it so hard? For me, I think it would be not getting along with some people in the house. Why don’t I move out again? I would. I would be back in Colorado in a heartbeat if it weren’t for not having a place to live. When things happened on Christmas Eve, I also lost a second income. Which inhibited me being able to live on my own for a bit, until I am able to save up enough and get a better job. I seriously am very close to hitch hiking back. I am tired of being treated like I am two years old and am tired of being treated like a lower than dirt human being.
I am an individual and I like my independence. I like being able to get things done on my own time. I am sort of grieving after all. Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE some of the people in the house (most of them anyway). The others I can do without. I can do without their negativity and their yelling and always being hypocritical. I have always had an issue with people telling me to do one thing then doing the complete opposite. Why? Maybe it is because if you want me to do something, treat you some way or do something for you, then I want you to show the same respect to me. You know, do unto others as you want done unto you.
No I am not trying to be a “rebel”. I am not rebelling. This is the main reason why I moved out in the first place. It is why I found my own sanctuary. I made a life for myself and it all went down the drain. My life went to the crapper so to speak.
I hate having to live by someone else’s rules who doesn’t follow their own rules. They really piss me off. (Sorry in advance for any profanity or anything else that may seem off, but remember the heading to my blog, “if you don’t like it, leave”). I am not a person who tries to conform to what others want/need. I am not a person who likes to be treated like shit. I am done being that person. If I have to buy a car and live in that, fine, but I am NOT living with someone who acts like Hitler. I am NOT living with someone who treats me like I am NOT 25 years old. I am trying to do things the best I can to the best of my ability. You wanted me to do “chores” I am doing “chores”. You wanted me to look for a job and get a car, I am working on it. The economy isn’t the greatest after all. Did you ever think that sometimes I need time. I need space. I need my freedom? I am tired of being put last, put second to someone else.
At this point, I am THROUGH. NO MORE BS, NO MORE CRAP, NO MORE OF BEING TREATED LIKE SHIT. You yell and scream at me, I will yell and scream right back. I am trying to stay strong for myself. I feel sometimes I cannot rely on anyone, but me because they don’t understand, nor do they care, about what I am actually going through. I am trying the best I can. I am working on me right now. I am trying to stay afloat in school. I am trying to do everything I can to be supportive to myself physically, emotionally, financially, and everything in between. So don’t go there. Don’t threaten me, don’t act like you are higher than God, because, you know what, you aren’t. You are far from it. You aren’t perfect either. Before you go judging someone else, look in the mirror. See your own faults first. Fix yourself, not someone else.