My Dearest Adam,
I feel as if I am going to fall off a cliff. I don’t know what I am going to do without you, but I know you have to go where you heart is. It is difficult for me to let you go because I loved you so much. My home was wherever you were. I don’t know if you understood that. It really didn’t matter where we lived as long as you were there with me. The reason why I didn’t want to go to TX was because I was panicking. What if you fell out of love with me? What would I do then? I still don’t know what to do because when you died, you took my heart with you. There are days that are easierthan others. But on those days I think I am just fooling myself. Tricking my brain.
I keep thinking you are going to walk in the door and tell me it never happened and comfort me like you always did.
I had a dream the toher day that had a typed message from you saying that everything was going to be okay and you were with family and to not worry.
I just hope that you can go and never hurt again. I hope you will be my guardian angel. Guide me through the things I have to do. Tell me/show me if I am doing what I need to do. I still need your guidance.
Note: This letter was written in my journal to Adam a day or two before moving back to Minnesota. This one wasn’t as hard to retype as the first one. It is filled with emotion, but not as much as the first.