Moving On – Not so easy. Finding “new love”
You will be surprised just how many times I’ve heard, “You just need to move on.” All I can think is, “Are you crazy?” When they say this, I know some mean to get to “dating” again. I know I’m not ready. Not just emotionally, but also mentally. Some can get back to it right away. Others can’t. It all depends on the person and their healing process. Don’t push someone. THey will do what they need to do in their own time. They heal the best they can and when rushed it “stunts” the healing process. It makes them feel rushed. They need to know that they they are supported. Do I feel I will date again? No, but that is just the way my heart feels. I loved Adam deeply. Many may not realize just how deeply, but that’s their problem, not mine. I always thought Adam and I had a special bond. Now is it a bond that I only imagined?I don’t want to think it was. Many had noticed it. I was told after his death that after his death that some saw it just days before. He was struggling a lot. He felt I would be better off without him. No matter how many times I told him he was crazy to think that, he didn’t believe me.
Don’t take love for granted. One day it could just disappear without a trace, without even a good-bye. It can be ripped from your arms in one swift motion, or the pull of a trigger and a bang.
That bang haunts me to this day. It ripped him from my life, my arms, and my heart.
My heart has this giant hole. I know that it won’t go away, but that is something I am going to have to live with second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day.
I am learning. It is taking a while, but I am learning how to live without him here. Without the other half of my heart. Without my soul being complete.
One day, the pain will lesson, it may not totally be gone, it may not EVER disappear, but eventually it may be more dull than it is at this point in time.