Firsts Are Many, But Not Getting easier
I thought that as the firsts kept coming it’d get easier and easier. Or is it just as life goes on? I don’t know what it is, but today just wasn’t an easy day for me. Not just because of the firsts, but a few other things. You know. Life. It is amazing how much time has passed when on certain days I feel as if no time passed at all. As if I am stuck in some terrible time loop. At least one part has gotten better and I think its due to moving back to Colorado. I don’t feel as if he is going to be walking into the door any second. The what ifs aren’t playing over and over and over again. What I am deling with now is the usual grief that slowly subsides as life goes on and the PTSD mixed with my bi-polar. Things aren’t always easy for me emotionally. Things are hard for me to explain, but somehow I can write them down. Writing is my form of counseling. Yes, I know I need to see someone, but that is hard to do unless they stop playing with my schedule at work. I also think its partly due to my stubborness as to why I haven’t seen someone yet. I am now searching for support groups here in Colorado Springs. Things are difficult and hard to bear at times, but I believe I have moved a great deal forward from where I used to be. And only time will tell how well my heart mended.
Yes, I am still working on my book as it is going to be basically like a journal going over everything that happened in the last year. It’ll be difficult to compile, but I know in the end it’ll be worth it. I am also possibly gonna put together yet another poetry book. It all depends. We shall see. So for now, I am going to curl up with my herd of guinea pigs, a cup of hot cocoa, and read a good book that I’ve probably read a gazillion times. I hope everyones turkey day was spectacular and if you are shopping black Thursday/Friday sales please be careful driving and around others. Happy Thanksgiving!