Love is Not for the Faint of Heart
There is nothing like a “heartbreak” to make you realize what you screwed up in your quest to find yourself. Now I know. If only I can get this one person to forgive me. I am hoping they will. Heartbreak will show you one thing. What you don’t realize before seems to become so clear. It becomes something that shows you the path, shows you where you messed up. In my “quest” to find myself. I hurt someone. In my quest to find myself I did something I shouldn’t have done, but I moved to get myself out of a situation and thought it was best. The move to Colorado Springs I think wasn’t to live here permanently, but to get some closure. I got heartbreak along with it, but I guess that’s what I needed to wake me up. Things will need to change. I am balanced on this balance beam. One slight breeze will push me either way. Do I or don’t I? It all depends on one persons answer at this point. Even then, I still think even if their answer is no, I will still be going back. I hate the cold and I hate the snow. I thought this was home. It isn’t this was only home when Adam was here. Home is wherever my heart takes me and my heart no longer belongs here. I spread Adam’s ashes here and that’ll be hard because I will no longer have a part of him with me, but he will always be in my heart. Life isn’t all roses. No one ever said it was. I just wish I didn’t have to go through the hurt to find the answers that I need. Why can’t things become a little more clear? Why can’t things become obvious? Why send the hurt on top of all ready hurting? These are all questions that I know are asked everyday and there are still no answers. Love is not for the faint of heart. Now hope and pray that this person forgives me. My path is clear, that doesn’t mean I still don’t hurt, but now I know what I need/want. What I want isn’t in Colorado Springs. I will miss all my family (friends) that I made here, but I have to do what is right for me. And what is right for me is that I move forward. Wish me luck on this next endeavor.