“You love the idea of me”
I found the Freedom Writer’s Diary and when the teachers husband tells her he wants a divorce he tells her that she loved the idea of him. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen this movie and didn’t fully understand the statement. That is, until now. Thinking back upon all the years. Things were a convienence when it came to certain things. No, I’m not saying Adam is included in this statement. Far from it. I’m just remembering other people in my life before. Some of them were just an idea of what I wanted, but now I know what I want and I’m going after it head on. Some things may still be fuzzy, but my life is my own and I’m going to live it my way and no one elses.
Many people have asked if I still miss Adam. I have to honestly say, yes, I do. I miss him deep down in my heart more than anything, but I can’t live my life in the past. I know I will always miss him and know that I will cry at times. I will cry for the man he was, and for the man he could have been. He will always have a place in my heart. It will be a soft spot, but I know I will be able to move on to what I am meant to do. I am meant to do something great because I am willing to do it, not because some unforseen force told me I am going to be great. I will move on in life because I know that’s what Adam wanted and it is what I needed.
I will not settle for just an idea. I am not going to settle at all. I will be me, and whomever doesn’t like that doesn’t need to be in my life. I am standing up for myself, making my voice heard. Life is going to be different from now on. I am rising to my full potential. No longer just settling, but reaching for the stars and succeeding.