Life Throws You Curve Balls, You Learn to hit them out of the Park!

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“You love the idea of me”

I found the Freedom Writer’s Diary and when the teachers husband tells her he wants a divorce he tells her that she loved the idea of him. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen this movie and didn’t fully understand the statement. That is, until now. Thinking back upon all the years. Things were a convienence when it came to certain things. No, I’m not saying Adam is included in this statement. Far from it. I’m just remembering other people in my life before. Some of them were just an idea of what I wanted, but now I know what I want and I’m going after it head on. Some things may still be fuzzy, but my life is my own and I’m going to live it my way and no one elses.
Many people have asked if I still miss Adam. I have to honestly say, yes, I do. I miss him deep down in my heart more than anything, but I can’t live my life in the past. I know I will always miss him and know that I will cry at times. I will cry for the man he was, and for the man he could have been. He will always have a place in my heart. It will be a soft spot, but I know I will be able to move on to what I am meant to do. I am meant to do something great because I am willing to do it, not because some unforseen force told me I am going to be great. I will move on in life because I know that’s what Adam wanted and it is what I needed.
I will not settle for just an idea. I am not going to settle at all. I will be me, and whomever doesn’t like that doesn’t need to be in my life. I am standing up for myself, making my voice heard. Life is going to be different from now on. I am rising to my full potential. No longer just settling, but reaching for the stars and succeeding.

Life Can Have the Most Unexpected Turns

I know it has been quite a while since I last posted, but it has been quite chaotic. My new job I started in February has gotten me quite exhausted, along with trying to get other things done also.

I have added to my piggy family. My new little guy is named Gus Gus. Yes, a little boy piggy. He is now three months old. Unfortunately he is having some health issues that I am trying to get under control. I am hoping he will be able to get past this soon. I will post a photo of him later on.

Pixie Mae and Moose are both getting very big. Moose is about 2 and a half pounds already and Pixie Mae is almost 2 pounds already. Pixie Mae is 8 months old and Moose is roughly 2 and a half years old. They are getting so big and growing up so fast.

Life is interesting. Looking for a place to live and trying to find a second job. This way I can afford to move out. Money is very tight. Especially now I have a health complicated piggy. Hoping to get him healed up fast.

I am working on some things for fundraising for Yarn for the Cause also. Things can’t seem to get any better.

I know I said I would disclose all information about things, but right now I am not going to do that about certain things until I am ready to disclose them. I will hopefully be posting more frequently and more often. Just thought everyone would like a little update on my fave lil ones.

 

Hope everyone is well and staying out of trouble.

 

 

 

The Dating Game

It has been a while since I last updated. Just sitting at my new job, back in Minnesota. Happy. Life is not easy to get through. Just this past weekend I had a rough spot for which a few friends and a special someone pulled me out of the funk. I can’t believe St. Patricks day can still make me feel this way.
I pulled through and am doing just fine.

And yes, you read right. I am back in Minnesota. Got back February 17. I couldn’t be happier. I left Colorado not knowing about a job situation and not knowing much else, but here I am. Thanks to a friend I found an awesome job. Still getting used to the long hours, but I can manage. Living with a friend temporarily till I can figure out where I am going at the end of April.
Now, to get back on track. Yes, I had a shiny moment. Oh well, you all like it. Admit it.
Dating. This is the one thing that many don’t think about after they have found “the one”. What happens when “the one” is no longer in your life? Either due to death, or other instance? In my case we will go with the death scenerio. Yes, I know. You don’t want to think about that. Then when you do start to date things just end badly? Well, here’s my opinion. The first real “dating” situation is there to get it out of the way. To get your feet wet so to speak. So this way all the emotinal baggage issue is now out of the way. Now you are free and clear to find someone right for you.
Have you ever watched the movie Ever After? If you haven’t you should. Its a love cinderella story, but for adults. In the movie the prince talks to Leonardo Da Vinci about true love. If you shall marry someone and they should die, and then you find someone else, was the first one your true love or the second? What would have happend if you met in a different order? I feel that both were your true love. Think of it this way. People come in and out of your life for a reason. They are there for you and you are there for them. If you are lucky enough to have two true loves in a lifetime you are one lucky duck. Don’t take it for granted.
Yes, this post has a meaning. And I will get to that.
Dating. Yes, I have started dating and things are looking up. Granted we’ve only just started seeing each other, but you never know. And at least I am getting treated right versus being stabbed in the back. Life will only take you so far, you have to go the extra mile yourself. See where your own feet take you.

Love, Life, Dying, Rebirth, Faith, and All Those Other Tough Words

Life is so strange. One thing always tends to lead to another. One persons lie continues until it snowballs out of control. I have faith that things will turn around. Especially after moving back to Minnesota. That’s right. I am moving back. Actually in the process of moving back. already 411 miles away from Colorado Springs. Interesting that I decided to pull over and do a post here at mile 411 when you would generally dial that number for information. How interesting. Did I do that on purpose? Na. Just feel the need to get some thoughts out before hitting the road again. I am not a person to do revenge. I may say that I am, but I am not. Sometimes my bark is WAY worse than my bite. Just usually depends on the situation. I am reinventing myself. Making myself new. Making myself whole again. Reinventing the way I am and how I see others. I chose those who are around me a little more carefully. I have big faith in  karma and what goes around comes around. That is why I don’t like “revenge” or getting revenge. Why should I? the universe takes care of it. Why should I keep worrying myself over someone else’s soap opera type life. The type of people who feed off drama. Am I interested in watching it. Who isn’t? I just rather not be a part of it. I am not a person who likes dealing with things such as the people who feed off the drama. 

Love, Life, Dying, and rebirth. Those are some pretty tough words to read, feel, see. The old me died. I was “reborn”. I am still reinventing myself after that death. It has been one hell of a year for reinvention. I can do it. I know I can. I am positive about it. I have come a very long way. I know where, or at least I hope, I am going and where I want to be. Do I miss certain things? Hell yea, who wouldn’t. Am I scared of the unknown? UMM DUH! But, I am not letting the scared get to me. I am letting things fall where they may. I am letting things develop as they go. HOPING and not over thinking anything. I will get somewhere. It may not be today or tomorrow, but eventually. I am the new me, I am gonna do better, and be the better person. Not let others goad me. Does this mean it will never happen. No. I am not perfect, no one is. Perfection is boring anyway. I am a person who prefers to not deal with those who will consistently bring me down. With this, I will chose who I hold dear to my heart very carefully. No one, and I mean NO ONE will bring me down anymore. This I swear. This is my new years resolution. Its taken time, but I have rebuilt myself stronger than ever. There may be a few cracks where I have made repairs, but with those who truly care about me, I can move forward and find something better for myself, and my future. 

More on a sad note. I will write more about this when I either stop again or when I get to Minnesota. My beloved Jenny Baby has now passed away. She passed away January 25th, 2014. I had her cremated and will post all my pictures later. I miss my sweatheart. I still have moose honey and pixie mae. They are my little loves. Again, I will do a whole post on how the girls are doing at a later date. 

Remember, life is only as hard as you make it. Don’t sweat the stuff you can’t change, and change the stuff that is able to change. Life can’t be all about drama and sadness. Love yourself, or you won’t be able to love others around you. I know easier said then done! 

I hope everyone has a peaceful night. I will be driving as much of the night as I possibly can. 😀 

Skeletons

If you wanted
I could have
Discussed your
Deepest darkest secrets
Your skeletons in your closet
To the entire world.
I didn’t.
And I won’t
True friends don’t do things like that
True friends don’t do what you did
We may not be real friends anymore
But I still keep my promises
I still keep my loyalty
And if you continue to contact me
To try to “talk things out”
I may not be so keen
On keeping many secrets for long
I want peace
And I want to be left alone
Out of the drama
And out of the soap opera you call life.
I’m moving on in my life
And nothing you say or do will change how I feel.

Love. The Feeling When With the Right Person

Many have read my previous blog about how love is not for the faint of heart. And I think some may have gotten the wrong impression. So I am going to clarify while still not breaking my rules about writing about other people without their permission.

I was in a relationship with someone for a little bit. Things went downhill fast. Some stuff happened and due to this I lost what I thought was a good friend and a good guy.

When I was speaking about someone I hurt. This person is in minnesota. He is an awesome guy. Our friendship I thought was just that a friendship. Come to find out he had not been with anyone since me because he was waiting for me to be ready. When he found out I was seeing someone it kind of hurt him. I’m hoping he will forgive me. We are still talking. And looks like things will be okay. I am going to be going back to minnesota to see if we can work something out. When we were hanging out I wasn’t ready for a relationship. And he had tried with all his might to get me to stay. He was the sweetest. And always knew how to make me smile no matter what mood I was in. If I was in a bad mood he has been the only one who could truly cheer me up. I know he is the one I want to go to when I’m angry, when I’m sad, when I’m happy. He’s the person who constantly crosses my mind. Gives me butterflies.

I’m over the hurt from what the two did to me. I have a new direction in my life far better than what I was doing. I’ve said my good-byes to Adam. Its gonna be hard not being able to visit his ashes, but I know this is what I have to do. One day I will be back to visit. Maybe even one day move back. But I have to follow this path that has showed itself to me. I am ready to see what is out there. I’m ready for this new chapter in my life.

Survivor

You can knock me down,
But I will always get back up.
I am a fighter I am a survivor
I will win this fight…
it may not be a fair fight
but I will win
I will prevail
I am stronger now
than I ever was before
and No one
will EVER bring me down
again.
I find words to live by
people to fight for
and I am a person to not cross
I am a fighter
I am a survivor
If I have to go it alone
I will Life has thrown things my way
that others have never had to face
I wouldn’t wish them on my worst enemy.
because of these things,
I am stronger than I have ever been.
I know my path,
it is clear now
Blinders are gone
and I see the world anew
I know where I am headed
it all depends on the answer of that one person
things are looking up
things will get better
and things will keep moving on
I will NEVER EVER GIVE UP
and I will keep surviving